As I sat down to write tonight I was blocked on what to write about. I wanted something meaningful and not just some rant. For inspiration I turned to the old blog . I scanned years worth of posts. Many meaningless, but some very powerful memories. The same picture of my sister coming up again and again, because I don't have any new ones. Oh how I wish there were Facebook in Heaven and we could keep in touch. I saw the picture of her receiving her cord blood, we were so excited for her "new life" . Man do I miss her. She is the bravest woman I have ever known. Even with her temper, she always seemed to find a way to smile. She is my hero.
I think about her and her struggles. I look through all of my "struggles" that I have had over the years. I read about our angel baby that God decided he wanted more than us. I read about my Grandpa, Grandma, and other people that I have lost over the years. I know its life. Life can be hard sometimes.
I also look through and see all the joys. Celebrations, Friends , Family, Pregnancies, Deliveries, Birthday's, and so much more. Paul and I have been on some amazing journey's together. We met way back in 1999 when we thought life was just getting hard, little did we know. He is my soul mate. Don't get me wrong, there has been some times when I questioned that. It has not been all bliss. As I mentioned in my last post we have just "graduated" from couples therapy. It was during that, when we both realized how much we have gone through. Its one thing to live it out , but another to try to explain to someone else that knows nothing about our journey. We have been through more as a couple than most go through in a life time. It has made us so much stronger. We are each others rock. Four pregnancies, 3 babies, and so much lost sleep over the past 6.5 years. Now with our "baby" turning 2 years old, and knowing its our last time down this path, life is getting so much sweeter.
We are having a garage sale this weekend, and I am thrilled to be rid of the baby crap that has been filling our home. I am also letting go of some of my other junk if you will. I have the big picture in mind for this coming spring. Our house is going to go back up for sale, and this time we are doing it right. No clutter, personal items, or junk! We will have it priced to sell and pray to good ole St. Joseph that it goes quickly. I have made some amazing friends in this neighborhood, but I need out. I feel like I will finally feel complete and at home when we make are next and final move. I know it won't come without a hassle , but such is life, right? I want a real yard, garage, and maybe even a pole barn. I want to not have to worry about putting on a bra to sit on my front porch drinking my coffee. HA HA . I want to be able to keep my blinds open and not worry who can see in. I am so ready to be out of sub life and back to the country. (or at least not 10 feet away from my neighbors)
Life has been quite the journey so far, so many ups and downs. I have learned a lot of lessons. I have been overwhelmed and underwhelmed. I have laughed and cried, both separate and together. I have lost myself and found myself. Life is an ongoing story with many chapters. When one ends another begins. I am just a the beginning of a new chapter , and can't wait to see how it ends.
For now I will just keep dancing.
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